This is 36…

Yesterday, I turned 36. I’m not sure I know what to make of 36 and if I’m honest enough with myself, I don’t know that I particularly care. Age really isn’t a definition of anything but rather, a representation of a simple fact that you’ve been a living breathing human for a certain number of years. I’m likely not going to achieve anything simply because I’m a certain age anymore than I will fail at something for the same reason.

This is 36.
This is 36.

To some, 36 is old. To others, it’s young. Perspective, as I’m learning, is a very powerful influence and how we choose to see things really sets the tone for how we live life. My perspective at 36 hasn’t drastically changed in the couple of days since I was 35…

36 is still insecure and wonders if she’ll ever be enough for anyone, let alone herself.

36 still pays too much attention to the voices that tell her what she’s not rather than her Creator who truly knows exactly who she is.

36 ate cake for breakfast today. 36 feels no guilt about that, though her stomach wishes she’d opted for a smoothie instead.

Breakfast.
Breakfast.

36 wishes she had more courage.

36 loves to laugh.

36 hasn’t had a good night sleep since she was 30. But loves the 3 little faces behind those many sleepless nights more than any well placed string of words could ever describe.

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36 has been writing for years. Not many read 36’s thoughts or care about them but she keeps writing anyway. And that’s ok. It’s taken until 36 to be ok with being small.

36 is learning that her path in life isn’t clearly marked and that it takes faith to step out and follow her heart.

36 loves leggings. Leggings are amazing.

36 is fiercely loyal.

36 is learning that there isn’t such a thing as “too late” to accomplish things in life.

36 sometimes cries the way she did when she was 16 because sometimes, life feels just as tough and out of control now as it did back then.

36 loves hard.

36 has learned a lot about humility.

36 is still learning.

36’s love language is coffee.

36 needs to say “sorry” more often.

36 is still painfully shy and not quick with words. Sometimes 36 is misunderstood because of it. You see, 36 isn’t snobby, she’s insecure. She really wants to say something but doesn’t always know what. 36 is still working on that one.

36 loses her temper. A lot.

36 is different. 36 has never fit the mold of what is “typical”. 36 has not often been accepted for that. 36 has been made fun of a lot in her life. 36 is slowly learning not to be ashamed of the things that make her unique.

36 is stronger than she thinks she is.

36 wishes she could take others’ pain away.

36 wants to be noticed and hidden at the same time.

36 is learning to do things that scare her. 36 spent a lot of time feeling nervous and excited when she was 35.

36 isn’t finished growing. She’ll still be growing when she’s 76 and is more than ok with that.

36 is flawed.

36 is also beautiful.

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